Being Mommy

So being a conscious mommy, there were things that I deliberately did for my daughter. There were things that I thought will benefit her in long term, but then there were few things that were stuck in my head just because that's how I experienced/spent life, as a kid. I was not sure if they were good or bad for her. But there are things in everyone's life, that we are stuck with, just because we saw our parents doing that. So even if we don't rate them highly, we still are unable to get them out of our heads .So when the journey of motherhood started 4 years back, I experienced everything like that too. There were things that were wrong according to my understanding and knowledge, but getting myself out of them was kind of a struggle. . Sending her for regular schooling or keeping her at home for home schooling was one of those decisions. I knew that it will be good for her if I will do it right, but I was not sure that if it will be good for me as an individual or not. I was not aware of pros and cons. I actually was not even upto home schooling. It was more like "no schooling concept". Which means that I will expose her to everything around or everything that we know about... .. and then we will explore together. We will learn together and grow together. We will learn about life and everything that's in there. But I will try not to teach her "what to think? " Rather it will be "how to think?"
So I failed some times but sometimes I got results that I wasn't even expecting...Results, that filled me up with positive energy. And I experienced those moments when a person feels so energized that they want to scream as loud as they can, just to tell the big wide world around them, that I did something good inside my little world.
She was a difficult kid for the first few of weeks, but then things started getting setteled. I started looking at her as a friend. The bestest friend that I can ever have. So I shared each and every bit of my life with her. She was a month old, or may be  2, and from laundry to ironing, from groceries to kitchen, from bedroom to bathroom, from feeding her to showering her, each and everything that I was doing to manage house or our life, I told her. I remember whenever we were out on the roads for anything, be it 10 minutes or 10 hours, I would explain her everything that my eyes could hold or cover. And everything outside, that was linked to my childhood memories. I shared my thoughts and feelings with her too. I knew that she can't understand or reply me back, but I wanted her know that I trust her with everything, and she can  always trust me too about everything. Or may be she was the only one who I was sure about, that she will never judge me. She will be the one who will love me, no matter what. She will be on my side, even if the whole world will be against me. She will look up to me, even if the whole world thinks I am nothing or no one.
And this worked for us. This is one of those things that I never saw anyone doing, no one told me about that, I just did that because I wanted to have a bond with her. And it worked for us. We got that bond. Even if I am not around, she will share her stories with me as soon as her eyes find me.Every teeny tiny detail, of what she did, or experienced when I was not around...
So this was the first thing that parenting taught me. Do, what you want your kid to do in future. Be, what you want your kid to be in future. Share, if you want them to share in future. Give them that leading position in your life, and they will let you lead their life too. Respect them the way you want yourself to be respected and the way you want this world to respect them. Make them feel special, and you will get to experience that in their lives too. They will believe in themselves if you will believe them. Trust them with your secrets and life, and they will return the same favour to you.
And in the first few years of their lives, be their friend instead of being a parent or a teacher. Instead of giving them commands, follow their lead. It will not only benefit you as a parent, but will also nourish the sad child hiding somewhere inside you. You can experience your childhood all over again with more understanding of what you did back then, and what you can do in future.